Sonic the Hedgehog 3: John Wickitude

The previous Sonic movies came and went, fun and fast and breezy with a good heart. Generally the tone of "found family" and "purpose of life" have been the undercurrent for slapstick nonsense. The trend continues in Sonic the Hedgehog 3 with a metric ton of forgettable jokes circling around a dark and chewy center of loss and pain. What if that found family was lost and the purpose of your life changed? And what if that question was asked by CGI characters skating on the very edge of the uncanny valley while Jim Carrey tried to make everyone forget he was anti-vaccine? It's been a long, strange trip for the blue blur, but what remains is a solid family film.

Here's my notes, spoilers involved.

All the guys are back

Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, James Marsden, his wife, and the dog are back in the first scene, racing along the woods and saying words. Seriously, I feel bad for Tika Sumpter's character. She has nothing to do, but at least there's some representation in the human cast. And she got paid, that sequel money should be good. Knuckles gets the best jokes (Idris Elba saying "I have dishonored my marshmallow" will be on my mind at the next campfire) even though Sonic runs his mouth constantly (love Ben Schwartz, but it's almost grating). Tails and James Marsden are there, as they often are.

"You stole my hooman"

I have no idea if the dog was translated in the last ones, but this was a what the hell moment for me.

John Wick

They leaned hard into making Shadow as Keanu Reeves as possible. Or maybe the character always was, but they do not skip the comparison by giving him a gun on a motorcycle and having Reeves stoically grumble every line.

Japanese Jackson 5 Murder

A secret meeting happens in Tokyo between the boys and a general at a Japanese restaurant where there's a Jackson 5 dance before robots murder the general guy. Like, dude is dead. That's weird on a lot of levels, and I had to say it.

Jim Carrey having fun times two

Man, this guy is just having a good time. No attitude or sad bastard, just pure old Jim Carrey magic. It gets a little old here and there, especially when he's acting against himself in old make-up as his own grandfather. Get it. A little old. There's not a lot more here.

Shadow and Maria

Here's the heart of the film. "End of the Line" by the Traveling Wilbury's plays while this little friendship blossoms in a secret underground base. Then they break out and stare at the stars, giving one of the best lines of hope I've seen in a movie in a while, "The light shines even when the star is gone." Maria dies, that's a bummer, but 50 years later she gets a call back to save Shadow's heart. That's later, but touching none the less and a really great line.

Good montages

Been a while since a movie tried a good montage. We get a few here, the standouts being the Robotniks having a family trip and the Shadow and Maria friendship from before. Just stellar comic nonsense.

Shadow's powers

I don't get this at all. He's Sonic with "chaos energy." Okay, cool cool. But he teleports and has rocket boots. I don't need a full backstory, but just a little "this is why he has rocket boots" montage would be nice.

Robotnik's 4th Wall

I laughed. When he called for "unsolicited exposition," I gave a little laugh even though it made no sense whatsoever. Fun, though, in a "remember Deadpool did that," kinda way.

Disguise Side Mission

We needed James Marsden and Tika Sumpter to have something to do. Plus they brought back her sister and the sister's husband, who were the best side mission of the last movie. That's not saying a ton, but it killed some time in an amusing way. And hey, nobody is sleeping with James Marsden's wife in this movie. Bonus for him.

Darkest Hour for Sonic and Stone

James Marsden gets almost dead so Sonic cries, and Robotnik denounces his assistant Stone who also almost cries. Really heartbreaking for both of them, especially after everyone just fought in a gravity room. Oh, Kristen Ritter is in this. Shit, haven't talked about her. She's also in this movie. And she fights the heroes because they need an adversary and a reason for the Robotniks to team up with Team Sonic. I forget where this was going. Oh yeah, this was a little sad.

Robotnik Family Tree

So fifty years ago, Grandpa Robotnik and his granddaughter Maria worked with Shadow. She dead, then Grandpa is locked away. Then there's another son and daughter out there who have main Robotnik who knows nothing about Maria, and and… I hate when movies make me think like this.

God mode super battle

Sonic and Shadow go Dragonball and beat hell out of each other. To the moon. Then they stop a laser. That's pretty fucking cool.

Ryan Reynold's gonna sue somebody

Jim Carrey makes fun of the Green Lantern movie and breaks the fourth wall. That's Ryan Reynold's whole personality at this point, and while he's charming and rich and handsome and… You know what, I'd like to see these two Canadian comedians battle it out. In court or in a violent romp to the death in a pit on an island under the full moon.

The Moon

Speaking of the moon, that thing gets fucked up proper. At least the poignant "come to Sonic" moment happens while Shadow learns a lesson and calls back the stars line, and we learn that hedgehogs can breathe in space. And Robotnik gets a fun laugh ("look at what you did"). Just a good time.

"Sycho-friend"

The end for our bad guys is both hellish and pretty heartwarming. Old Robotnik gets vaporized unceremoniously while Young Robotnik goes out saving the planet. Before saving the planet and dying horribly, though, he calls out his friendship with Stone. I would have cried if I could.

Credits

I enjoyed the pixelated credits scene where everyone had a good time. I was on my phone for some of it, waiting to see if there was more to wait for. After that, there's some metal Sonics and a pink squirrel or something. I don't know Sonic. And then Shadow is alive! Oh yeah, Shadow died, too, earlier when Robotnik did. The younger Robotnik. I'm done.